Sunday, February 9, 2020

Comment Wall for A Story of Troy

Thank you in advance for your feedback!

The Burning of Troy


  1. Hi Pierre!

    This seems like a great story to choose for your storybook. A classic that a lot of people know, but there's definitely opportunity to add your own flair. I'm excited to see where you take this story. The first thing that stuck out to me was the language used. It seemed like a good median between the more formal language from a direct translation and colloquial language. This is a good choice for casual reading, as it does not detract from the character dialogue, but makes it a bit easier to read. How do you plan to change up the story? What events will you focus on? You mentioned adding new and familiar characters, how do you plan to integrate them into the existing story? Hope you have a great time creating the rest of the story! It's a good topic, so I'm sure you won't have any trouble coming up with a creative twist on it.

  2. Hi Pierre!

    Wow! I really appreciate your writing style and passion for this story. The writing style is almost like reading a script for a play. I can easily get a sense of the setting changes, along with who is speaking throughout the dialogue. Also, you seem very knowledgable about the subject, and I love that you are using story sources from all types of mediums.

    I wonder if maybe you could give a little extra background on the characters? Maybe in the author's note? As someone who is not super familiar with the story I did have a little trouble following some stuff.

    What if you gave some dialogue when King Menelaus finds out his wife left with the Trojans? You did a great job describing his anger, but I think this could be enhanced with some yelling at someone or even just ranting to a servant. Overall, I really enjoyed the introduction and am excited to see what you do next!

  3. Hey Pierre!

    I first want to praise your selection for your storybook topic as it is got quite a lot going for it as there are many different directions to go and so many different stories that can be told on either side of the battle for Troy. When we had to select a Greek topic a few weeks ago, I selected this topic as I was familiar but had never actually read the original source material and found myself strangely captivated as the whole scenario is very compelling with many likable characters. As for what I would change or improve I would focus on figuring out you are going to eventually change up from the original story as the hardest part when adapting these retellings is finding the right amount of source material to follow. Overall though I loved the reading so far and can't wait to see where the story goes from here!

  4. Hey Pierre! Great job on your storybook! I enjoy that you chose Troy as your topic. It has always been one of my favorites from Greek mythology. I did a story over Troy as one of my stories when we had it for our readings. Mine was over Helens perspective and how she was the one to cause the war as a sort of revenge on everyone. You should check it out! I like how you presented your story and how you kept the wording a little more modern but still staying true to the story’s tone as well. I am exciting to see how you plan to develop the story further and make it your own. Do you plan to add your own characters? I wonder how you will describe the fight between Hector and Achilles! Can’t wait to read what you have planned. Overall great job on your first story!

  5. Hey Pierre!
    Good work so far with your storybook! I think you have a super interesting topic, and I am excited to see where it heads when you publish your next story. I am a super big fan of green based mythology, as are most people, and I am super pumped to see where your storybook goes next week and I will certainly be checking back in. I really like how your introduction is posed, and how you jump straight into the dialogue and storytelling. I was wondering, where do you think that you will end with this story? How will you continue to adapt the story? My only critique is potentially making your intro story it's own story, and maybe introduce the storybook separately, just a thought. I can not wait to see where this goes, I am super excited to check back in soon.
    Overall, wonderful work! I really enjoyed it.

  6. Hey Pierre! Good work on your storybook so far! I really like how you set it up and I think it really has a lot of potential! I like how you give some inside storylines and then point out who's talking in the dialog! I wonder how the story will continue! Will it have a different ending or keep the traditional? Just an idea! Keep up the good work!

  7. Hey Pierre!
    Good writing in your introduction! You do a good job of spacing and keeping the flow of the story! It definitely reads very well and I got a great sense of the characters! Of course, I am familiar with the classic story of Troy, so I had something to go off of. I am curious to see what other stories that you weave into this popular myth! This project definitely has a lot of potential, and I cannot wait to see where you take it! My one suggestion (because honestly that first story was good, and thats all I have to critique) is that you add some sort of audio or visual to go with your story! This is an online blog, not a physical book, so it has the advantage being able to intertwine multiple mediums of storytelling into one tale! Maybe some nice Greek tunes, or a love song would be fun for this story, but every story you add could have its own song theme! Best of luck with the rest of the class, and I hope the rest of the storybook turns out well!